Blog Post of the Day:
Pretend that you are in your seventies or eighties. Complain about kids these days.
(In first person? Meh.)
If I really try, I can still manage to remember being young. And I guess it was nice while it lasted. Being able to walk around with cringing at the sound of my own knees cracking... Being able to wake up in the morning without taking my own teeth out of the water I keep at my bedside... Being able to smile without a small child running away in horror...
And how dare those little punks treat me like the terrifying one! If I see a group of, say, eighth graders, walking on the street, I will cross to the other side. I don't need their sass, and neither does John Mulaney.
Now, let's pause to think back on what kitten's look like. Fuzzy, sweet, playful, with the most adorably awkward faces. Now onto human babies. Disgust incarnate, right? And they grow up to be so much trouble. Wouldn't you rather have, say, a ferret?
But the human race has to continue. With the way the future generations of the planet seem to be turning out, I'd rather it didn't.
Did you know the sea cucumber is endangered? Psh. I didn't expect you to. Those darn conservative children, already driving America into the ground with their need for saturated fats...
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